Saturday, March 31, 2012

David A. Kirschenbaum
editor at boogcity dot com

March 1

money again,
buy six caffeine free diet pepsi two-liter bottles,
two gallon bottles of turkey hill diet iced tea,
two 32 ounce fruit punch powerades,
two large bags of lays lightly salted chips,
two 16 ounce friendship sour creams,
and one store brand onion soup for dip.
(tip to snackers: always buy onion soup for dip,
just in case,
as you’ll be sad if you don’t have any for your chips when you get where you’re going.)

March 2

Look for new good for me cereal mom bought from trader joe’s
(this time they’re kosher so they’re opened)
find tiny shredded wheat
which has some sorta light sugary taste
pour skim milk over it
and take first teaspoonful
and it doesn’t taste right
smell milk
Mention it later to my dad.
“yeah, I thought so.”
“then why’d you put it back in the fridge?”

March 3

the amount of time to cut people off depends on who they are
a 24-hour cut-off for some,
a forever cut-off for others,
varying by offenses, by people

March 4

just say “i’m sorry,”
and forgiveness may come from me to you

it’s a real simple thing,
two words from you to me,
just say “i’m sorry.”

March 5

Gelatin query:

i've stayed away from gelatin for years because i heard it wasn't kosher.
now i'm broke and can save money on one of my meds if i switch from tablets to gelcaps.
what's the score on gelatin nowadays?

March 6

went to see the vow with my parents.
afterwards mom said she was hoping she would cry.
i hit her in the shoulder.

March 7

went to the kosher butcher with my folks,
bought kosher gummy bears,
kosher double bubble bubble gum,
kosher tootsie rolls
(though all tootsie rolls have been kosher for a little while now).

March 8

mailed gifts to a couple of friends and a cousin today
spent $14 I don’t really have on postage and padded envelopes
and a hello kitty pez dispenser
that’s how i roll.

March 9

first boog event in three months
grocery store closed down next door,
buy soda, chips, pretzels, sour cream, onion soup, ice cream
from east fourth street key food
where my dad worked in the forties
when it was klinghoffer’s hardware,
whose wheelchaired, senior citizen son
the libyans threw off the cruise ship they took over
in the eighties.

March 10

cleaning off my dvr,
two more episodes of
missed-it-while-I-was-in-my-ph.d.-program ken burns’ baseball done.

March 11

slept all day today.
to sleep at 7am
up at 2,
then 4,
then 6,
then 1030,
for vegetable soup, and broiled chicken.

March 12

please say yes
just once more
since i said yes
and i don’t want to do it
without you.

March 13

i’d hoped you’d leave a message
so we could interact as slight as possible
but last time you didn’t
so this time i picked up the phone.

March 14

mom whined a bit
about me buying tickets for a met game for just my dad and me
and not her
so i called up a week ago
to buy one of the seats next to the pair i had.
all sold out.
and she said don’t worry about it
so i called this morning
to trade in the pair
and get three new ones
and explained last week’s phone call.
“well,” the operator told me,
“one opened up next to you.”
called mom to let her know.

March 15

jim comes over and we talk shit
and talk shit about talking shit
before he escorts me to grocery shop my last $56.

March 16

watching a clip from debbie gibson’s only in my dreams video
as rosie o’donnell intros her as her talk show’s next guest
ready to masturbate like its 1987.

March 17

across the hall from our alternative school newspaper
were the offices of the administration’s voice paper
and the campus’ new humor magazine, nonsense.
i appeared in it once,
with a fake musket in my hand
as ace o’malley,
leprechaun hunter.

March 18

shoprite’s scrunchy honey nut toasted oats,
store brand honey nut cheerios,
taste almost as good as the real thing
but make for amazing post cereal sugar milk.

March 19

i can’t be the guy who watches dancing with the stars on the dvr
no, can’t

March 20

i've been liking smash
that tv show with a broadway show within it,
and then last night they revealed that most of the marilyn monroe play
would only be focused on her relationship with joe dimaggio.
with someone whose life was as action-packed as monroe,
how do you basically only focus on a couple that spanned,
first date to divorce,
two years?
seems like something that would never be done in real life.
i mean, leaving the kennedy stuff off the table?

March 21


i don't understand
why don't you answer my emails
i keep on trying
but don't get no replies
no replies

i keep on thinking
did i do something wrong
searching my memory
but i don't know
i just don't know

sendin' an email
to one of yr friends
trying to reach him
goin' through other ends
other ends

i don't understand
why don't you answer my emails
i keep on trying
but don't get no replies
no replies

March 22

22 Mar at 16:06
@boogcity cd you review for boog city R.A. Dickey's book Wherever I Wind Up: My Quest for Truth, Authenticity and the Perfect Knuckleball?

22 Mar at 16:16
@behrle Here's my review: it sucked

22 Mar at 16:18
@boogcity i've put in a request for a review copy. i'd like you to review it. i think our rdrs will enjoy yr take on it, & you'll enjoy the book.

22 Mar at 16:24
@behrle No comment

22 Mar at 16:27
@boogcity sometimes you can be oh-so-very face-punchable.

22 Mar at 17:24
@behrle Only sometimes?

March 23

Lego is Danish for play well.
this is the second time i've heard this,
a few years apart.
but my reaction to it today
was again some sorta combination of stunned and wonder happy.

March 24

cutting corners as i order fresh direct
i pick the 8:00 p.m.-10:00 p.m. delivery slot
to save two bucks.

March 25

so i'm reading something about twin peaks on imdb.
i knew there was a character named sheriff harry truman
and figured he was just a nod to the president.
winds up he was,
but also, in part, in homage to washington state,
where the show was set,
it was to a local named harry r. truman, 83,
who wouldn't leave the lodge he owned at the base of mount st. helens
and died when the volcano erupted,
the lodge’s site buried beneath
150 feet of the volcano’s debris.

March 26

things i want to tell you
i don’t wanna tell you

March 27

my brother’s car hit the ramp
and he cut his wheels hard.
in the rollover competition
the object is to roll your car over the most times.
my brother had won it once before
and got $50 and a trophy with an upside down car atop it
this time they set the ramp up too close to the wall.
“i don't know why," his friend mikey schmitt said, "but they’re tickling his toes."

March 28

i didn't get last week’s sports illustrated,
and wonder if it might've gotten
mixed up with your mail.
it’s the baseball preview issue, ya know.

March 29

after getting four two-liter bottles of caffeine free diet coke,
and a half-gallon of turkey hill sugar free decaffeinated ice tea,
$9.90 left until picking up the pennies off of my floor.

March 30

i kissed her
after she stopped kissing him
not at the same time
but at another time
after she and him weren’t kissing anymore
i mean i kissed her
after she kissed me
and i wouldn’t see her for five months
until after midnight
her coming into my gramercy park sublet new year’s eve party
cab drunk.

March 31

almost every day
i take a slice of bread
strip the crust off in one piece
and eat the guts of the bread a bit at a time,
balling it up into bb-size portions
waiting for it to be as much fun as when i was little.